Phallic Messages
by sssweet-disposition
Summary: Prompt fill for an AU I had seen on Tumblr. "Someone has been leaving post it notes with hyper realistic dicks drawn on them around the school and as Student Council President I have to find out who it is"


Lexa was angry. No, Lexa was furious. This was the sixth time so far this week that it's happened. Except this time, the hilarious comedic artist has stuck the paper on _her _locker rather than the brick wall. She scowled at the offending Post-it and ripped it into smaller pieces before angrily stomping to the garbage bin. "_Art_" she muttered.

For the past two weeks, some sort of immature imbecile had decided that the school was in need of a makeover. Said cosmetic treatment included hyper realistic drawings of male genitalia. Of course, the other dim-witted students thought it was amusing, but Lexa was prepared to plan the demise of the artist's desire to be remembered by their peers.

The only clue that the student ever left on the paper was a small crown scribbled into the corner of the note. It wasn't much to go on, but Lexa was determined; she would find whoever it was. This was the beginning of Operation Dickless.

* * *

She waltzed into the vice-principal's office – much like she always had – and huffed as she sat before him in the uncomfortable chair.

"Ah Lexa King, what can I do for you?" Mr. Gustus asked nicely.

"Well Sir, I don't know if you've noticed, but recently we've had some sort of artistic joker on our hands – and I use the word "artistic" loosely here. I was wondering if you could pull up the feed for the hallway cameras so that I can see who it is and _politely_ tell them to never do it again" She smiled deviously, her eyelashes batting at the man who – coincidentally – happened to be her uncle.

He sighed and crossed his hands on top of the desk. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone this, but since you're record is squeaky clean as the Student Council President -"

"And I'm your precious niece" she intejected.

"I suppose I could fill you in…The cameras haven't been working since three months ago and the school just hasn't had enough funds to replace the old system".

"Useless!" Lexa dramatically threw her hands up and made her way to the door. "I love you, but you're killing me Uncle Steve".

* * *

The door of her locker slammed harshly against the wall. It had been four days since the first time a Post-it mysteriously had made its way onto Lexa's locker and five new ones had taken its place throughout those days. She had tried to stay near the area as much as possible, hoping to catch the terrible person in the act, but she failed to do so every single time. Not even the people who had lockers near her own knew who it was!

"Whoa, I don't think the locker did anything to you" a voice chuckled.

She turned to see her friend Lincoln standing next to her, looking entertained. "Do you know how long I've been trying to figure out who has been drawing genitals around this school?" Heads turned her way at the loud proclamation. "Too long Lincoln!"

The boy laughed lightly. "Is there anything I can do?"

Lexa thrust the newest drawing into his hands and explained, "Unless you can tell me who keeps leaving me these, then no, there's nothing you can do". She rolled her eyes and continued to grab the books for her next class.

Lincoln studied the drawing and Lexa almost laughed because it seemed although he had never seen surely what looked similar to his own lower self.

"Clarke always does that" he responded non-chalantly.

"Does what?"

"Leaves a crown on her drawings. I sit beside her in Visual Arts; I see her work all the time. She's actually a really gre-"

The locker slammed shut with a deafening tone, effectively cutting off the rest of what he had to say. "_Griffin_" Lexa seethed, storming her way down the hall.

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could she not have known? Her friends always called her "Princess" for goodness sake! Between battling it out in Gym class and going head-to-head in nearly all the recent school events, how did she not put this one together? They've never had a problem though, they just loved to compete and it so happened to always be against one another. She was unsure of whether or not something had possibly changed.

She reached Clarke's locker and stood behind the blonde, glaring at the yellow locks of hair…Her beautifully stupid hair. "So _Dick_, it's been you this entire time" she stated matter of factly.

The other girl turned to face her; blue eyes staring into her own. "Well it's about time. Geez Lexa, your whole family practically makes up the entire police force, I assumed you would have figured it out much sooner" she laughed.

"I really don't understand how your immaturity can be any form of funny". Her voice dripped with annoyance and made Clarke nervously shift under her gaze. Point 1 for Lexa.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you" the blonde answered. She cleared her throat and continued, her raspy voice making Lexa's stomach flutter. "I um, was hoping you'd find me because I wanted to ask you something through the Post-its but I guess you missed the hints in the small details…"

"Excuse me for not closely regarding the penises you leave for me" she scoffed.

Lexa's eyes remained questioningly on Clarke's when suddenly she gasped at the unexpected feel of the blonde's fingers lacing with her own. Point 1 Clarke. "I wanted to know if anyone has asked you to prom yet…You're quite chummy with Lincoln so I figured maybe he asked you" she blushed, her pale cheeks showing the pinkish tint.

Her face scrunched disgustingly at the assumption. "Lincoln is practically my brother, that's awful. Plus, he was going to ask Octavia". Her eyes widened at the realization of her reveal. "Damnit, I wasn't supposed to say that, um, just pretend you heard nothing".

Clarke chuckled at Lexa's sputtering nervousness; it was different from the way she usually presented herself. "Got it; nothing. But just so you know, O's been hoping he'd ask her" she smiled.

For a moment, in the midst of her slight panic, Lexa forgot about the warmth spreading through herself from Clarke's hand. The blonde's intense gaze and the close proximity they found themselves in after Clarke stepped closer, became an indication for Lexa to break the awkwardness she felt. "So, why were you trying to find out? Are you trying to set me with one of your friends? Because if so, I'm sorry, Monty is a great guy but I'm kind of waiting on someone".

A quick look of disappointment crossed Clarke's face. "Actually, I wanted to know if you'd go with me" she answered shyly.

Lexa was shocked; her brain couldn't form a proper sentence after hearing that her long-time secret crush wanted to take her to prom. A small booklet was suddenly given to her.

"It's a flip book" Clarke timidly explained.

Trying not to show how much her hands were shaking from the excitement, Lexa carefully flipped the pages. She stared in awe as the sketches on the page came to life; a cartoon of Clarke kissing Lexa's cheek after the words "Will you go to prom with me?" She looked back up into the ocean blue eyes and fought hard to contain the tears threatening to spill. This was easily the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her…minus the phalluses. "Why did you have to use penises?" she joked.

"Eh, it was fun to see you so flustered".

Clarke was a beautifully whimsical girl with the biggest heart and happened to be the most jaw-droppingly excellent artist Lexa had ever known. "Yes Clarke, I'll go to prom with you".


End file.
